Be you in charge

I sat at my desk reviewing the latest tips for stage fright I had downloaded off the internet.

“Visualize a past success,” I read. What were these people smoking? “Just be yourself.” Really? Now which self would that be? My little “s” ego self had gotten me into this mess to begin with. And if I could just be my capital “S” self, the one, eternally loving child of God we are in truth and in truth remain, I wouldn’t even be here. “Jesus!” I said. “Houston, we have a problem. Come in Houston.” I folded my arms on my desk and nestled my face down against them as if preparing for a crash landing.”

“Turbulence?” my imaginary Jesus said, appearing beside me.

I raised my head and let out an exasperated gasp of air. “Nice to see you, too.”

He plucked a yellow sticky note–this one a reminder to calm my nerves by visualizing Jesus beside me during the impending book signing—from the patchwork of others stuck around my desk and studied it.

“I just can’t do this anymore,” I said.

He nodded.

“I am so not giving this talk,” I said. “Be you in charge, you understand what I’m saying?”

He was wearing those wacky pink shades; always a hit with the ladies. The beard, the sandals, the simple, nubby robe. You get the picture.

“You understand I’m not talking about some kind of stinking duet here, J? I mean, I don’t even want to be in the house, you know what I’m saying? I’ll just go hit a pool or something. This has got to be entirely your gig or we’re screwed.”

He jabbed his thumb in the air in a gesture of agreement.

“You’re the best,” I said. “Now, I’ve announced it on facebook. Twice in the last few days; don’t like to overdo it. And I’ve emailed it to a couple of spiritually minded friends and members of my A Course in Miracles group. Only to people I’m sure won’t be critical or think I’ve gone round the bend with this book.”

“A pretty short list,” he said.

“Exactly.”

“A kind of hierarchy of email lists you’ve got going?”

“Don’t push your luck,” I said.

“What about Twitter?” he asked.

“What are you, crazy? I don’t even know who most of those people are.”

He smiled. “I see.”

“Look,” I said. “It will be fine. You’re a lot funnier than I am, really.”

“Not to mention younger,” he said, smiling.

“Hey. Here’s the thing, though. If you crash and burn; you’re dead meat.”

“Crash and burn?” he said. “Seriously?”

I nodded. “Dead meat.”

“Whoa,” he said, widening his eyes.

“I know. Also, there are a couple things you need to remember. Make sure you mention Helen and Bill. This Course came in answer to a troubled relationship. That’s important. And it has nothing to do with bodies, OK? Even when you’re talking about God’s hands and feet and tears they’re only symbols, you know? Meeting us here in the condition we think we’re in, blah, blah, blah.”

Jesus saluted.

I handed him the little grounding stone someone had given me.

He peered down at it resting in his open palm.

“I’m told it can be very helpful. Keeps you connected with the earth. You feel nervous, you just squeeze.”

“Magic,” he said.

“Only if all else fails, of course.”

“‘So close to you we cannot fail,’ remember?”

“I know, but just in case.”

“Plan B,” he said.

I nodded, and lowered my voice to a whisper. “And try not to mention how we secretly believe we murdered God, OK? Beginners find that really hard to take.”

“Wow,” Jesus said. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“I know. Exhausting, isn’t it?”

“Usurped authority?”

“I like that. See, you’re a natural!”

Jesus smiled and adjusted his shades. “It’s nothing, really.”

“Ha; and funny, too. Just remember, Stevie Wonder, ‘you are as God created you.’”

“I know you are but what am I?” Jesus said.

“Cute.”

“Can’t help it, really.”

“And if you get nervous just try to turn it over again. Remember, you’re not in charge. I am always with you.”

“’And if I need a word to help me, He will give it to me. If I need a thought, that will He also give. And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him. He is in charge by my request. And He will hear and answer me, because He speaks for God my Father and His holy Son.”*

“That, too.” 🙂

He followed me out to my car.

“Break a leg, J,” I said, opening the door and sliding the chart I was all too ready to surrender into the back seat. I handed him the keys. “No joyriding, OK?”

“You’re funny,” he said.

“No you are.”

Jesus smiled. “Right,” he said.

*From A Course in Miracles workbook lessons 361-365

NOTE: A Course in Miracles uses the character of Jesus as a symbol of the awakened mind we can relate to and call on in the condition we think we’re in here in the dream. He asks us to bring all the illusions that arise in the classroom of our lives to him for review and re-interpretation from evidence of separate interests to proof positive that we never separated from our source and remain awake in all-inclusive, eternally worthy Love, simply dreaming our silly dreams of exile.


I will be taking most of next week off and will post again in two weeks. In the meantime, check out the great new question on my Q & A page. Hope you’re enjoying your summer!

Comments

  1. Hilarious, thanks! What a great reminder that if our alleged spirituality seems humorless, we’ve – once again – forgotten to laugh our self-imposed, tiny, mad idea that we’re on our own. 🙂

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